...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
