Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
