these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
