Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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