i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
