I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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