it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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