its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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