dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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