She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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