He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
