i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
