shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
