I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize