Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize