No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She announced her abortion via fbk
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
