if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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