he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
