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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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