ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
