We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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