If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
