Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
