im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She needs sedatives and a leash
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
