Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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