Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize