i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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