Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude i'm inner monologue high
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
