well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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