Just fell off a train. Bad.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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