i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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