btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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