I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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