I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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