I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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