Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
do nipples grow back?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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