I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
