If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Less talking, more tequila
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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