she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
