My room smells like vodka and shame
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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