there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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