You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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