He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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