Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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