I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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