kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
