I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
