Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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