i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
