none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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