I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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