I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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