Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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