My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
