I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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