so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
