He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
