he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
