Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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