i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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