I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
