I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
