I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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